Marriage is not so bad, is running

Often a husband and wife said, "if it is not for children, I will not go on with you," as if the child is the only marriage and encumbrance.


Often a husband and wife said, "if it is not for children, I will not go on with you," as if the child is the only marriage and encumbrance. "Do" is a kind of husband and wife often mention the word, but marriage is a mirror, you lazy, it is dark, you take the initiative, it can revive.

What is marriage? This seemingly simple question, but there are many answers. Economists say that marriage is a kind of production relationship, sociologists say that marriage is a kind of social contract. Sad people say marriage is the tomb of love, happy people say that marriage is the palace of love, realists say marriage is tied to live, live on live is said of a couple, go all the way;....... No matter from which point of view to explain the marriage, marriage is a close relationship between the two. In marriage, whether you choose to do or choose to run in is a positive disposition of this relationship. Such a relationship has a special meaning in our lives, it is a matter of our happiness, how to deal with such a relationship, need a kind of wisdom. "Do it yourself" it is difficult to meet, you can accept the "do it yourself" is more difficult, so in a marriage, you need to make some changes in the details of our life, to adapt to each other, and even some bad habits".

But in reality, a lot of people are using the wrong idea to operate this relationship. When we entered the marriage hall with the feeling of happiness, we are full of expectations. "...... From now until forever, whether prosperity or adversity, whether rich or poor, in sickness and in health to love and to cherish, till death do us part". Like this oath, let us full of excitement. at the wedding ceremony, but after the wedding, but not everyone can "till death do us apart," we don't understand why we have ended up exchange solemn vows and pledges to break up? That's because there are some who look forward to marriage. If you feel alone and cannot get a high happiness to a person and also can get together, and the person in many ways to meet your requirements, so you can be happy, then the problem will appear in your relationship, your marriage is likely to let you down. If you are in such a situation to treat each other in a disappointing and indifferent manner, the other party will have a response sooner or later, your marriage is very dangerous, and you will not be happy. Before that, you have to adjust your expectations. When you feel that the other side is not enough to love you, in fact, more likely is that he did not want to love you the way you want, you sad, disappointed because their expectations fell, rather than the other party does not love you. You have to try a different perspective to find out how the other person is expressing his love. When you have a birthday, you may imagine flowers and a French restaurant meal, but you wait until he is home to buy cauliflower, cook meals and he. Yeah, that's how he loves you. From another angle, if the other party's birthday, buy you flowers, and with each other to eat French meal, the other is not necessarily happy, that is not necessarily, maybe he more refined you make him cauliflower at home. In reality, in their own feelings of love, pay the money, regardless of how to give their own, but they can not get the other side to cherish and return to their own pay a blind eye, or take for granted. Even some people in summing up their failure of marriage, will think that they pay too much is one of the reasons. Why, we pay but not recognized and return? It's just another mistake we often make in this relationship: you just give what you want, not what you want. We often refer to such complaints, the wife is not satisfied with her husband is not at home all day, her husband is very aggrieved, that they are all out of the money and hard work, but also do not understand. This time the husband actually because of the reflection, who really need so much money, is his wife? In reality, more often than not, because the husband wants more money, he is only satisfied with his needs, not the needs of his wife. This is also the case, the wife to clean up the house is very clean for her husband to provide a comfortable environment, complain that their husbands do not treasure their own home after work, often take home a mess. Most of the time, such a clean environment is more likely to the needs of his wife, while her husband is not high for cleanliness requirements, there may even think wife Jiepi, this might. So love is not to give their love to each other, but to the other side of his favorite.

From this we can see that marriage is a challenge to the two self. Two people want to be close together, and happy hand in hand to the old, we who can not live very self, need to stand on each other's point of view. If the other side of the given and I do not expect the same, if I do not give each other what they need, then how do we do? Both parties must agree, or look for common ground?

First of all I would like to mention the western "proactive behavior". It means: to control the situation in turn, but not by the situation. When when a conflict between husband and wife, you can be angry, blame blame each other, but to solve your things without help, only further damage your marriage, your marriage with pain. On the contrary, if you can maintain a certain level of peace, it will help you control your marriage to the healthy side. Our emotions come from the way we view things, not the things themselves. Just like the previous example, if the husband bought a home in the face of cauliflower, do you think he is not pay attention to you, you will have a lot of negative emotions, if you think that is the way that he loves you, you have a positive mood. When you have a lot of negative emotion in this relationship, you must first learn to use "proactive behavior", let yourself calm down, don't let emotions control yourself, don't let the scene out of control. Then you need to figure out what it is that makes you feel. Sometimes you'll figure out where the problem is, and sometimes you don't understand it. That's the only way to find out what the problem is. Expose your true side, sometimes need enough courage, perhaps you need to face your own weakness or negative feelings, perhaps you may face on the other side of self-esteem hurt, I am afraid of anger may each other will erupt. But only this brave expression of the true idea, can let each other learn what he should learn, to promote their growth, the establishment of a more healthy intimate relationship.

The young couple quarrel, in fact is not enough to understand each other, and the old couple because of mutual understanding, to soft warmth. The face may cause disputes do not mature, and camouflage can only let his dull, active running would lead us to grow together, know each other to accompany old.

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